Alaska Storylineonline

Sounds Science Fair To Me

That time of year again, wherein the future scientists of Alaska show off the stuff.
Pretty interesting what these kids can dream up and put together in display fashion
using Popsicle sticks, glue, a little mud and a little help from "Big Oil".

I got a kick out of one display about the Trans-Alaska-Pipeline. It was a down scale
model segment of the line as it passes through mountainous terrain. What made it
interesting was the fact that all the VSM's - Vertical Support Members - looked bent
and out of shape, as though Godzilla had made a show. Then again, maybe it was Hulk
Stevens on a rampage. For those not in the know, our senior senile senator thinks he
has been cloned the "Hulk". Hey, even mad scientists - gainfully employed by
"ChangePuke" - wouldn't approve of this switch, as Ted's character is on the other
side of what the "Hulk" stands for - that "Good" verses "Evil", or is it
"Evangelical"?

Anyway, this kid's display showed a pipeline intact but it looked like a war zone. If not
Godzilla or the Hulk or Ted, maybe it was Don Young on the lam? Running away from
a rabid Pelossi skunk, the kind with "glittering eyes and gashing teeth"! Then again,
maybe the appearance of chaos was due to the fact that it was just a project thrown
together overnight.

But that was not the case, as this young scientist's report questioned the engineers who
designed the 800-mile dipstick way back when he wasn't even born yet! See, the
VSM's are what the 4-foot diameter pipe rests upon where it is elevated out of reach
from the "Hulk". The pipe was actually elevated where permafrost exists and
conventional "stick" in the ground technology wouldn't work so well. It was also
elevated where the caribou migrate across the tundra. And most of all, elevated at
critical seismic "fault" locations, as Alaska is earthquake country.

Now I get it! See, back in 2002 there was a pretty good ground shake that tested the
pipeline's earthquake like structural integrity. Something like 7.9 on the Richter
"shaker" scale. The steel support stuff busted apart like it was indeed made out of
imported Popsicle sticks. But lucky us, and for the environment, that the pipe was
strong enough on its own to withstand a catastrophic rupture. Unlike drunken bullets
have proven to cause damage. Plus, the pipe was only at half of the design flow, so the
weight of the oil at the decreased rates was also a factor to consider, in our favor.

Now I give this kid credit. See, everybody raved how the pipeline's earthquake design
worked. It didn't work, and this kids experiment - display - tells us we have our head's
up our you know what! The earthquake stuff didn't meet the muster. Just look at the
pictures made available by everybody that was smiling over this successful test of
strength. Don't they see it? Don't they get it? Thanks kid, for once again providing
evidence that most adults, "Are Left Behind"!

Hey, this kid has the makings of another great American engineer, Ralph Nader style!
Anyway, I have an experiment of my own worth talking about. I look up to famous
scientists, like Einstein and Newton. Hey, Einstein didn't like war! Newton discovered
the "zero root" equation. That equation finds an answer to everything and anything,
even resolve to war conflicts. GET OUT! The equation does fail at one thing, trying to
figure out how politicians view ethics. Which means we are never going to see reform.

But another prominent scientist that was probably my hero during youth and today also
was Phineus J. Whoopee. He was that brilliant man that would resort to the 3D-BB for
answers to tough questions, on any subject matter. Tennessee and Chumley liked to
throw real tough questions his way. But he was always willing to entertain an answer.
So here are two for the record.

First, I gave up eating chicken. With all the bad publicity - the "chicken police
according to Emeril - why bother with this stuff? So it is not part of my diet, not in any
accountable amounts. And guess what, I didn't get the flue this year! I didn't even get a
cold! There has to be a reasonable explanation to this, as this is the 2nd time in
50-years that I didn't catch the crud. And no shots allowed for this guy. And I did an
awful lot of traveling. Hey, if you don't get the crud traveling - from recycled airplane
breathing air - the bet is fixed!

So the verdict is out. Chickens, especially handling of such, can cause the flue. And
guess what, this year it means two in a row! So it seems to work. And I didn't mind
giving up chicken, as it tastes like crap. Now I had the opportunity to make a stay in
England, in Lincoln county. Now that country's chicken is chicken. It still has flavor
without a bunch of MSG disguised as something else, like "Natural Flavoring".
Really, ever see what this stuff is now called? And it seems to be everywhere, in
disguise. Anyway, what in hell are we producing in those cramped "crap" infested
chicken jails here in America? There has to be a connection with filth and phlegm.

And what about this science project? If you could grow an apple tree way out into space
that still had gravity, what would happen if a ripe apple were released? It would
accelerate, just like an apple let go from an apple tree here on relative earth. But the
incoming apple from space - still under the rules and regulations of gravity - fallen from
the apple tree would eventually reach an outer limit velocity. So once it reached the
gravitational exit velocity, what would happen?

Some think it would turn towards outer space, as it wants to be free, instead of getting
smashed into applesauce. Some think it would accelerate and disappear, in a "fruit"
hole, similar to a "black" hole. Mr. Phenius J. Whoopee, where are you? Better then
that, hey kid earthquake scientist, give me your take on this one, two.

By the way, I think the Joint Pipeline Office owes this kid a full-blown scholarship to
MIT, as this outfit put together with Federal and State bureaucrats to oversee the
pipeline's operation actually believed that the pipeline's earthquake integrity was not
compromised back in 2002. It basically fell apart! Embarrassing to say the least.

CopyRight 2007 MSK Media/Eagle Rock Press